Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
