i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
