I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
