it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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