Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
