if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
