You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
