Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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