i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
