I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
