Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
