just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
