So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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