Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You've changed since you got that strap on
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
