i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
