Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
