Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
