exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
