My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
