the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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