we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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