oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
