dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
