Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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