i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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