imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
