We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
