I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
