4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
