She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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