i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
