worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
