Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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