4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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