Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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