can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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