Duck Duck Cougar?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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