hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
