Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
