STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
