i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
