woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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