It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
