I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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