yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
