We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
