I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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