Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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