STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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