Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
