I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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