She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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