If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
